Anxious & Cold, then Hot, then Cold Again

I cannot be alone when I say this transition from summer to autumn is screwing with my head, let alone my wardrobe choices and immune system.

We all know it's because of climate change; so, I won't hit on that further and preach to the choir--for the choir is well informed; and deniers..well. Maybe some other time more in depth. Today, I'll reflect on summer, picnic days, late evenings dancing without checking a coat, MELANIN, and hints of alcohol.

This morning, I saw that my skin was paler than usual, or the usual dark summer glow the hot seasonal sun beamed on my face had vanished. Melanin. MEL-A-NIN. Melanogenesis. A beauty, she is. What did this/she mean for me? Such sweet melanin hid the bags and dark spots on my face, evening my skin out. She and the sun were my makeup routine, of course with the supervision of sunscreen SPF 60+. But even though I was tired with insomnia, y'all wouldn't be the wiser. I loved her, and she loved me. However, this morning I had to reach for my concealer to pacify these reappearing carry-on bags under my windows to the soul--or lack there of. No glow. No molasses. She was gone, and so was summer. Dramatic, but an appropriate ode to summer and black and brown beauty.

Something not to be excluded and appropriated, but to be celebrated, appreciated, and educated on. In mourning, I'll have to begin this fall and winter skincare routine that I still haven't come to a clear understanding. Beauty guru community, help! Twenty-something black girl here with dryyyyyyyyeeeyey skin. Can one still glow in fall and winter? What does one with dry skin look for in a "serum?" What does a "serum" do?What is a "serum?" The sun and summer was my ideal facial care but was not entirely my bad bitch with hair. Humidity in New York City. Shrinkage. Sweat. I'm learning to appreciate my curls in its honest form, tight and very turbo-tube-slide like with every strand.

I'm trying not to stretch it as much. There's really no point though throughout the summer, for the moisture in air would laugh in my face. It is dry, humidity below 50%, and not too cold weather that could tend to that. Natural curly hair, she is my friend who I learn from every day, especially every season.

Moving forward, I will miss the days at the park. Don't get me wrong, there is still time to knit at Washington Square or Brooklyn Bridge Park with the similar thought of exploration and wonder. But now, such adventures will be accompanied with the lingering thought of either... "I should have brought a thicker sweater;" or "Fuck, it's too hot, and I didn't layer." But at lest with summer, minimization of layers and clothing was always the answer.

I miss having rosé or other cheap wine on the grass, chilling with the girls. It was the best free thing to do in the season, lounging at the park. Add sunglasses, and bam--people watch and judge all the folks on your horizon. It was a beautiful thing. Cheers to parks and people making space, not hogging the whole bench.

New York nights are..something. Corinne Bailey Rae sings preference towards Paris nights, which I can understand, but New York evenings have that special energy that celebrates a hard day of overworking and sleep deprivation prior or maybe hard continuation of such work well into the night.

We're a city of over-doers and "time-is-money"-ers. Summer Fridays in corporate, however, are the exception for said hard-work to be given reprieve. Absolutely no fucks are given; leave at 11:00am after working for two hours for all I care. Wanna go on holiday for the fourth time this month? Sure, great idea! I'm totally exaggerating here. I actually haven't had the funds nor time to do these things, but giving just an over the top estimate of what I've seen in the office.

Nonetheless, with the funds I do have, you can count on me to have a whiskey neat in hand whenever I'm at a bar, breaking out the outdoor deck for extra space and fresh air. One and a half Jack Daniels will get me on the dance floor, trusting dear life on a random stranger to not drop me while doing some "Never Too Much" by Luther VanDross choreography. Realizing it now, I allow this to happen way too often: bestowing my whole physical safety onto another who's first name I don't know when given enough alcohol and or faith. Hm.

But all the folks who know me, really deep down know I've just been doing the two-step and Carlton all this summer, if not all my life; so, instead of a #hotgirlsummer, it was really a #groovygirlsummer. Earth, Wind, & Fire was responsible for beautiful moments this summer. Overall, summer and I had some very good moments. As we mutually decide to part ways, we ask for privacy and respect during this hard- time. Don't highlight on my autumn inflammation, whiteheads, or bags under my eyes please; we're grieving. I'm rebounding and soon learning to love autumn for its butternut squashes, sweaters, knitting, and the color "orange." A year ago, I hated that color. Now, I welcome it with ease as a blush or a bedspread. That's growth.